


Hosed

by NorthwesternInsanity



Category: Megadeth, Music RPF
Genre: Hint of preslash at the end, Humor, M/M, crackfic, hose fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 13:50:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15909498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthwesternInsanity/pseuds/NorthwesternInsanity
Summary: 90s era fluffy crackfic.  Dave and David learn a lesson together: When you get in a fight with a garden hose, the hose ALWAYS wins!





	Hosed

**Author's Note:**

> Old fic I'm finally backing up from Rockfic. I wrote this back in early 2017 this when I was having a complete mental and emotional breakdown, and I really just needed to tap into my inner eight-year-old and write something childish and silly to stop myself from going Jekyll and Hyde. Inspired by the time nearly a decade ago when my naive twelve-year-old self tried to put the garden hose back together after the water had been turned on, had a fight with it, and it won with me ending up soaked. Only here, the fight isn't just between a hose and one person.

Dave looked outside the window and groaned. Seemed he'd not only woken up earlier today than he'd planned on out of not being able to stay asleep, but now he had a surprise on his hands too.

"Junior? Where in the fucking world did Marty go with Nick's truck last night?"

This was such an odd question to be asked on top of the already unusual scenario of Dave being up before noon that David had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. He was also curious. What was the matter with the truck? What state was it in to warrant that question? He would have laughed, but he didn't know if Marty had backed it into something or damaged it -in which case it really wasn't funny, and would be downright scary when Nick woke up.

"What do you mean?" asked David.

"Come over here and look out the window. See for yourself -I'm not sure where he went and what he did... Gotta say I don't think I wanna know either."

David looked out the window of the second story apartment into the shabby parking lot. 

Halfway up its doors, the truck was covered in mud. Around the wheels was disreputable. It wasn't damaged in any significant way that it wasn't before, such as the small dent in the back bumper from some idiot who didn't know how to watch behind them while backing out of a parking space. It did appear to have a few scratches large enough to be noticeable from the window. Some of them had been there a while, but some of them didn't look familiar and might have been new.

"Jeez! I think he did some drunk off-roading. Don't know where, but it looks like he did, with all the mud. Man, either he was out of his mind, or Nick's out of his mind letting Marty take his truck whenever he wants if he doesn't need it himself."

"Well, that's gonna be Marty's problem, not mine. He's the one who made a mess, and I'm not cleaning it up." Dave turned away from the window nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders in an 'oh well' statement.

David's eyes went wide.

"But Dave-"

"What, Junior? Why should I clean up a mess that Marty made? If you make the mess, then it's your problem, which means this is Marty's probl-"

"That's not going to matter when Nick wakes up and sees his truck. He's going to see it and flip out at all of us before he even decides to investigate who did it," argued David.

It was true that Nick Menza had a tendency to get hyper about any sort of mess or something getting broken, and blow it out of proportion. Especially if Marty was the culprit. Dave could swear that whenever Marty broke a string backstage, it was as if Nick was running to him like a kid tattling on his brother.

"Well, we can clean it. But only under two conditions, Junior. One, you are going to help me, and two, we back each other up in that sometime later, Marty owes us a solid."

"Deal," David said firmly.

"Let's go outside and see if the landlord left the hose out and accessible -or of we have to go digging in the basement for it." Dave opened the door to the exterior staircase of the apartment, motioning for David to follow him outside. David quickly tagged along at Dave's heels the way a brother followed his older brother. Just part of why he'd gotten his nickname.

Oddly enough, when they got outside, the hose was out and pulled around the corner of the building, stretched out in front so that it rested by the truck.

David snickered.

"What's funny?" asked Dave incredulously, curling his upper lip.

"I think somebody else living in this complex is hinting the truck needs to be cleaned." David pointed at the hose.

Dave snorted. 

"Heh. Well, whadya think?"

"I have to agree."

Dave turned around to look around in the direction of where the hose was leading from. The spigot was around the corner of the building.

"You start trying to rinse it off -I'm gonna go turn the fucking thing on..." Dave turned and headed off around the corner.

David picked up the end of the hose, and realized a problem.

The hose head -a sprayer nozzle with a trigger -had been laying right next to the hose end, but it wasn't connected to the hose.

So David picked up the hose and the sprayer, and made sure the connector pieces were intact. They were -it was just off. He would have no problem putting it on -that was unless Dave had already turned the spigot to the line on...

...which he obviously had. Because as soon as David tried to push the connector pieces together, the water pressure in the hose caused it to shoot up and out of the joint, and right in his chest and face!

"Aah!" cried David, gasping and dropping the hose, then wiping the water off his face and pushing wet strands of hair out of his eyes.

"What happened?" asked Dave in a grumpy tone, coming back around from the side of the building.

David shook his head, groaning.

"The hose piece wasn't connected. Turn the water off -I can't connect it without it pelting me if it's on!"

Smirking, Dave turned and ran around the building to turn the hose back off. David didn't miss the smirk either.

"It's not funny, Dave!" He didn't sound too serious though.

"Come on, Junior, it is too!" shouted Dave from around the corner, turning the water off. "Okay, now try!"

Much to David's misfortune, there was enough water in the hose to where it still had a lot of pressure in it. So even though it wasn't being added to anymore, when David tried again, he still got sprayed.

"Ohhhh! Fuck!" moaned David. Dave wheezed with mirth -for a guy in a metal band, David didn't swear nearly as much as everyone else, and there was a complete lack of anger or anything particularly substantial when he said it. Just defeat and annoyance.

To add insult to injury, he got sprayed again, but not as forcefully as the water in the hose went down.

"Whose bright idea was it to disconnect this thing anyway if it's this hard to put together?!" demanded David, looking up at Dave. He looked like an indignant puppy, sulking, hair half wet and dripping down the sides of his face and onto his shoulders, staining his t-shirt, which was mostly wet in front now.

"Let me see that!" demanded Dave, snatching the hose from David. He held the two ends up right in front of his face, a few mere inches from his eyes as if to take a good look at it.

"Dave, I wouldn't recommend-"

"Arrrgggh!" Dave growled in aggravation and discomfort as water jetted out of the joint -a direct hit in his face and his eyes!

"I told y-" David stopped, clapping his hands over his mouth before he said the words that would certainly lead Dave to flip out, and trying to hide his cheeks that were hiking up as light giggles rose up in his throat. Dave was going to be pissed off!

"Oh, good grief -dude, are you okay?" David managed, though it was evident he was trying painfully hard to keep from laughing aloud.

"You be quiet, Junior. Shut it," grouched Dave, holding the hose much lower now, well out of range from his eyes. Silently, he glowered at the hose until the two pieces went together. They weren't falling apart when he shook them, though he hadn't heard them click together. Perhaps it was old and a bit worn down, and they were together and just didn't make a definite connecting sound. Dave decided it was on properly.

"Alright, it's connected. Go turn the water back on, Junior."

David ran to turn the water on, and ran back, wanting to be there when it turned back on, just in case he had to run back and knew right away. He watched as Dave pulled the trigger on the hose nozzle to test it. At first it worked, but apparently, he didn't have it on all the way after all, as was evident three seconds later.

"DAMN IT!" Dave shouted as the nozzle flew off the hose again, spritzing water everywhere, though to him it might as well have been another direct hit in the face as it had been at first.

David turned to run back for the faucet, slipped on the wet ground, and sat down hard, laughing his head off with his legs sprawled out in front of him, now all muddy from what the truck had tracked mixed with the water. Dave had to admit the sight of him was priceless, though he wasn't feeling too amused at the moment, standing there dripping and mad.

"Oh, so you think it's funny, huh?" he asked in a low tone, trying to sound serious. _Trying_ was the key operator. Despite his glare and indignant pout, he couldn't keep the playfulness out of his voice. It seemed he and Junior had swapped roles from the beginning of the fiasco. _Time to turn things back around_ , Dave thought to himself.

David cracked up harder as he clambered up from the ground. "You know it is!"

Dave smirked. He shoved the hose end and nozzle toward David. "Good, then! You put it back on this time!"

"No!" shrieked David, shoving it back toward Dave whilst pushing the sprayer connecter into the hose end so that it shot out at Dave, though spraying him too. 

"Oh, no you don't!" exclaimed Dave, pushing back against David and grabbing his hands so that they were both gripping the hose and the sprayer, scuffling and twisting them, and getting each other more.

"Oh, _yes I do!"_ David was barely coherent, snickering at the hilarity ensuing, and panting from exertion. 

Dave, being larger, finally got the better of David's strength and endurance, shoved the two items in toward him, let go, and hauled ass a good twelve feet away from him.

"You asked for it; now you're gonna put it back on!" said Dave triumphantly, crossing his arms and giving as victorious a look as somebody dripping wet could.

David sat back down so he could easily grab the hose if it went flying again. After a few failed attempts and sprays in the face, he finally managed to get it pushed in all the way. He triggered the control valve to test it, and the hose worked without blowing apart.

"There! Now it's on there! Done!" said David firmly, accomplished.

Dave looked down at his wet clothes, and then at David's wet and muddy clothes, at David's blushed face and stringy, wet hair, then back at himself, then finally back at David. From head to toe, they were both soaked.

"And look at the fucking mess that piece of shit made of us in the process! We're gonna have to clean up too by the time we get done cleaning the truck."

David looked down at himself, at Dave, and the hose.

"I guess that's true -we may have gotten it attached, but it's pretty obvious who won this battle!"

"Well," smirked Dave, "we'd better hope it wins the battle against the mud on Nick's truck for this much trouble."

"By what you said earlier, Marty owes both of us big time now," chuckled David.

"Or, we could just leave the mess and make it look like we tried," said Dave. "Nick can't get mad at us then, especially if we go in and wake him up so he sees us like this, and he'll know that Marty did it."

"And then we went to all this trouble for nothing?!"

"Alright, you win," groaned Dave, turning the hose on the truck in hopes of at least loosening the caked-on mess up. "But if Nick wakes up before 2:00 today and sees the mess, you're in charge of explaining!"

David frowned. "Okay, but then I call the shower first," he bargained, before adding on. "That is, unless you want to get in with me."

A different type of smile crossed Dave's face. Playfully, he shot the hose at David.

"Hey!"

"That," Dave chuckled, "Is a deal and a victory I can live with!"


End file.
